220 Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Life and Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Epic Sarcastic Quotes: Here is a list of simple but epic sarcastic quotes. Sarcasm is typically a form of humor used to imply the opposite meaning of Willing to take the risk? Here are 220 of the best sarcastic quotes and sayings. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

Epic Sarcastic Quotes on Life and Funny Sarcasm Sayings

After a crazy week that was full of work, goals, pressure, and idiots, the weekend has finally arrived, and it’s time to kick back, relax, and enjoy some downtime. Put away your “Why are you being so serious?” face and get ready to laugh your way through these funny, witty, and bitingly sarcastic quotes and picture quotes. It’s time to be crude for the sake of humor; have fun!

Funny Sarcasm Sayings – These sarcastic quotes will make you laugh. These are hilarious, inspirational, sarcastic quotes that will make your day.

1. “If I promise to miss you, will you go away?”

2. “I can resist everything except temptation.”

Best Witty Sarcastic Quotes for You Funny Images

3. “Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?”

4. “There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you.”– Uzair Lallmamod

5. “Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?”

6. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

Best Witty Sarcastic Quotes for You

7. “If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.”

8. “Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.”

9. “A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.”

Epic Sarcastic Quotes About Being Sarcastic Images

10. “If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”- Murphy’s Laws

11. “Don’t ever regret anything you do.”

12. “Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.”

13. “I’m smiling…that alone should scare you.”

14. “You go girl! And don’t come back.”

15. “As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free.”

16. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

17. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

18. “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”

19. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

20. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

21. “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”

22. “You never learn anything by doing it right.”

23. “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”- Robin Williams

24. “A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.”

25. “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”

26. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

27. “Don’t ever look back, the past is dead.”

28. “A man can be happy with any women, as long as he does not love her.”– Oscar Wilde

29. “I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”

30. “When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.”

31. “Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”

32. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

33. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

34. “The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”

35. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”

36. “Life’s too short to worry about what other people think.”

37. “Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.”

38. “Never test the depth of the water with both feet.”

39. “It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.”– Paul Newman

40. “Every calendar’s days are numbered.”

41. “If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.”

42. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.”

43. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

44. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

45. “What did I do to give you the impression I actually care about what you think?”

46. “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

47. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

48. “I am not young enough to know everything.”- Oscar Wilde

49. “Always give 100%, except when giving blood.”

50. “You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.”

51. “That is the ugliest top Ive ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.”

52. “Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

53. “If anything can go wrong, it will.”- Murphy’s Laws

54. “Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.”

55. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

56. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.”

57. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

58. “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!”

59. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”

60. “Jealously is a disease…get well soon!!!”

61. “History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.” – Abba Eban

62. “You sound better with your mouth closed.”

63. “Don’t regret doing things, regret getting caught.”

64. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.”– Whitney Brown

65. “If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”

66. “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”

67. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”

68. “I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.”

69. “Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.”

70. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

71. “Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.”

72. “Live a life without drama.”

73. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”

74. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

75. “We don’t need CCTV camera in our country. Neighbors and relatives are enough.”

76. “Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.”– Ambrose Bierce

77. “Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.”

78. “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

79. “Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”

80. “Things will always turn out better.”

81. “I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Albert Einstein

82. “A conclusion is a part where you got tired of thinking.”

83. “Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.”

84. “If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

85. “Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.”

86. “Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.”

87. “Things will always turn out better.”

88. “I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.”

89. “Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.”- Albert Einstein

Epic Sarcastic Quotes About Being Sarcastic

91. “Askhole. A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.”

92. “If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.”

93. “Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”– Robin Williams

94. “All the good ones are taken.”– Murphy’s Laws

95. “Why you hire a photographer:That phone pic you took of yourself in your bathroom mirror really isn’t doing you justice.”

96. “The awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced that people actually think you are stupid.”

97. “The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fu***** mail.”

98. “The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.”– Mark Twain

99. “If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”

100. “Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.”

101. “I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.”

102. “Life’s good, you should get one.”

103. “Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.”

104. “Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.”

105. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”– Oscar Wilde

106. “My ex had one very annoying habit :Breathing.”

107. “Going to church doesn’t make you Christian; any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

108. “I’m not sarcastic. I’m just beyond your understanding.”

109. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

110. “Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.”

111. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”

112. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

113. “Sarcasm: because beating the crap outta people is illegal.”

114. “My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.”

115. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”- Ashleigh Brilliant

116. “Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?”

117. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.”

118. “Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.”

119. “Sarcasm – the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

120. “Yet despite the look on my face… you are still talking.”

121. “Babies are so lucky. They can sleep all day and everyone still would be proud of them.”

122. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

123. “Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught.”– Murphy’s Laws

124. “The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it.”– Murphy’s Laws

125. “Politics: ‘Poli’ a Latin word meaning ‘many’; and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.”– Robin Williams

126. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

127. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

128. “If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason.”– Murphy’s Laws

129. “I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.”

130. “Money doesn’t make you happy. I have 50 million dollars now but I was just as happy when I only had 48 million.”

Funny Sarcastic Quotes On Life and Sarcastic Love Quotes

132. “Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.”

133. “Before falling in love, remember a girl’s mood can change in just like 0.0003 seconds.”

134. “Friends come and go but enemies remain and build up.”

135. “Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.”

136. “You always do me a favor, when you shut up!”

137. “Dear heart, please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood that’s it.”

138. “I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”

139. “Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.”– Murphy’s Laws

140. “You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”

141. “Call her beautiful, not hot. She’s a woman, not temperature.”

142. “Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?”

143. “Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Some girls are made of sarcasm, wind, and everything fine.”

144. “Sometimes I think, ‘What is a friend?’ Then I say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.”

145. “Two types of people who can’t sleep at night : those who are in love and those who have good internet connections.”

146. “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

147. “I love my phone because all my friends live inside it.”

148. “I hope we’re friends until we die then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the ***t out of people.”

149. “You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang.”

150. “Ladies! Stop wasting your time looking for Mr. Right. Just find the Mr. Left and drag that idiot to the right.”

151. “If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.”

152. “2 minutes of silence for those 13-17 year old girls who think their boyfriends will marry them.”

153. “I think I’m in a love triangle, I love myself, myself loves me, me loves I.”

154. “I was an innocent being once…then my best friend came along.”

155. “I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.”

156. “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.”– Murphy’s Laws

157. “Behind every angry woman stands a man wh has aboslutely no idea what he did wrong.”

158. “Dear weather, don’t be so cool and romantic! We’re single.”

159. “It’s a match made in heaven…by a retarded angel.”– Woody Allen

160. “Single? No, I’m just in a relationship with freedom.”

161. “Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.”– Benjamin Disraeli

162. “If you have crazy friends then you have everything.”

163. “Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”

164. “Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep annoying them.”

165. “My girlfriend is so good at playing hide and seek. I haven’t found her yet.”

166. “True bonding is when you and your friends are all angry about the same thing.”

167. “Oh… I didn’t tell you. Then it must be none of your business.”

168. “The brain is most outstanding organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year from birth until you fall in love.”

169. “81% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 19% have brains.”

170. “Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid stuff alone.”

171. “Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”

172. “Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.”

173. “What is it called when your crush has a crush on you – Imagination.”

174. “Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.”

175. “I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.”

Sarcastic Work Quotes

177. “Sometimes I have my headphones in at work with nothing playing so I don’t have to interact with chatty co-workers.”

178. “Pride, commitment, and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.”

179. “There’s no better vacation than my boss being on vacation.”

180. “Office politics – you have to learn the rules of the game and then you have to play them better than anyone else.”

181. “I wish we worked together so we could hate the same coworkers.”

182. “I’m sorry. I was listening until, out of nowhere, I became distracted by this loud, obnoxious noise that turned out to be your voice.”

183. “I should get an award for how I’ve managed to not punch you in the face every time I see you.”

184. “I’d appreciate you not complaining to me about your job until I have a job to complain about.”

185. “Everybody brings joy to this office… some when they enter, some when they exit.”

186. “Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.”

187. “Please try to schedule meetings around my job interviews.”

188. “We’re all going to really miss doing your work for you.”

189. “When you don’t do it, you’re lazy. When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.”

190. “It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care.”

191. “The only significant difference between work and hell is probably that I would like more people in Hell.”

192. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

193. “Please submit your ideas to me today so I can submit them as my own tomorrow.”

194. “I actively avoid office politics by hating everybody equally.”

195. “I’d have better people skills if I worked with better people.”

196. “In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.”– Albert Einstein

197. “The mountain of paperwork on my desk makes me envy the trees that died to produce it.”

198. “We acknowledge that there is no ‘I’ in team, but there is definitely a ‘U’ in cunt.”

199. “Some people work harder at getting the office temperature right than they do at their actual job.”

200. “I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.”

201. “You don’t have to be crazy to work here, but it sure helps.”

202. “Leaving the office for lunch is the new vacation day.”

203. “The reward for good work is more work.”

204. “I’m going to miss having you around to blame for the quality of my work.”

205. “Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really.”

206. “This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lightning.”

207. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

208. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.”- Sarcastic Quotes about work

209. “Congratulations on getting promoted to the job you’re already doing.”

210. “You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We’ll train you.”

211. “I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.”

212. “It’s so quiet in the office today, I can hear myself not working.”

213. “Appearing busy to avoid being laid off has become more exhausting than actually working.”

214. “I think I heard you say, ‘Blah, blah blah, blah”. Is that correct?”

215. “I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen.”

216. “Nothing brightens up a room like your absence.”

217. “Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.”

218. “Dear Co-worker, Yes, please continue to talk incessantly even though I’m doing everything I can to avoid making eye contact with you.”

219. “I work so I can afford the amount of alcohol required to continue going to work.”

220. “Let’s spend countless hours preparing for a meeting that will be delayed, canceled, or misrepresented.”

221. “Ever notice that those who whine the loudest are usually the ones who contributes the least?”

222. “I can barely wait to take credit for your great ideas.”

223. “The hardest job in the world is having to listen to you complain about having the hardest job in the world.”

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